Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Response to "Watching Over the Love" - Elaine Lovegreen

Elaine Lovegreen:

I APPRECIATE BEING ASKED BY THE WORSHIP TEAM TO TAKE PART IN THIS SERVICE, AS A RESPONSE TO DARCEY’S VALENTINE’S SERMON, “WATCHING OVER THE LOVE”

AS TIME MOVES FORWARD, IT IS SO EASY TO FORGET A LOT OF THE DETAILS, OR HOW OR WHY THINGS PLAYED OUT THE WAY THEY DID.

IT’S EASY TO RECRIMINATE YOURSELF OR OTHERS AND THINK “I SHOULD HAVE DONE THINGS DIFFERENTLY” OR “IF ONLY WE HADN’T …..”

IT HAS BEEN A GOOD EXERCISE FOR ME TO REVISIT THE ACTUAL RECORDS, AND BE REMINDED OF THE VERY CAREFUL, CONSCIENTIOUS, SENSITIVE AND DEDICATED EFFORTS OF OUR BOARD MEMBERS AND OUR CONGREGATION DURING A TIME OF CRISES.
MY APPROACH TO PLANNING WHAT I’D SAY HAS BEEN METHODICAL AND SYSTEMATIC.

FIRST I RE-READ DARCEY’S SERMON, NOTING THE VALENTINE’S “GIFTS” SHE HIGHLIGHTED.

THEN I READ THE NEWSLETTERS WITH THE PRESIDENT’S COLUMNS I WROTE DURING MY TERM FROM 6/2000 TO 6/03

IT’S BEEN INTERESTING TO REMEMBER THE TONE AND ATMOSPHERE OF UUCAS DURING THAT TIME.

AS I’VE SAID, WE WENT THROUGH SOME DIFFICULT AND TUMULTUOUS TIMES.

LET ME TAKE A FEW MOMENTS HERE TO TAKE YOU DOWN MEMORY LANE, AND REMIND YOU OF WHAT WAS HAPPENING AT THAT TIME:

I HAD BEEN ON THE BOARD AS A TRUSTEE, WITH WILL TRIPOLI AS OUR PRESIDENT IN THE SPRING OF 2000.

WE WERE STILL RECOVERING FROM THE LOSS OF BOB ALLEN, A DYNAMIC AND CHARISMATIC LEADER WHO WAS GREATLY-LOVED.

LEE RICHARDS WAS OUR MINISTER AT THAT TIME

WILL HAD BECOME PRES. AT BOB’S DEATH; THEN WILL MOVED AWAY AND I WAS VOTED PRESIDENT.

I FELT VERY NEW AND UNTRIED; BUT ACCEPTED THE ROLE DUTIFULLY.

WE BEGAN A MEGA-PROCESS OF SELF-EVALUATION, PARTLY DUE TO MY READING OF A BOOK – “BELONGING” BY THE UUA ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A CONGREGATIONAL MEMBER – ABOUT THE BENEFITS, EXPECTATIONS, AND OBLIGATIONS OF MEMBERSHIP

THEN 911 HAPPENED; AND JARRED THE WORLD

IT WAS THEN THAT I BEGAN TO SIGN MY COLUMNS WITH “NAMASTE” – A HINDI SALUTATION THAT LOOSELY MEANS “I SALUTE THE SPIRIT WITHIN YOU, WHICH IS ALSO WITHIN ME” BECAUSE I FELT IT WAS A SACRED AND SOLEMN WAY OF RECOGNIZING THE INHERENT WORTH OF EVERYONE

THE FOLLOWING SPRING LEE RESIGNED SUDDENLY, AS WE WERE NEGOTIATING WITH HIM TO EXTEND HIS CONTRACT WITH US,

SO WE WERE, AGAIN, THROWN FOR A LOOP

WE CALLED ON JPD AND R. SPECK FOR CRISIS INTERVENTION AND HELP PROCESSING WHERE WE WERE AND HOW TO BEGIN HEALING

THEN THE IRAQ WAR BEGAN, AND WE OPENED OUR CHURCH TO THE LARGER COMMUNITY WEEKLY

JACE CAME TO US AS OUR INTERIM MINISTER

THEN WE DID BEGIN A PERIOD OF HEALING AND MOVING FORWARD, WHICH WAS THE THEME I HAD ESTABLISHED FOR THE YEAR 02-03


IT WAS A DIFFICULT TIME.

AND IN READING MY COLUMNS, I TOOK NOTE OF THE HIGHLIGHTS AND THEN STUDIED WHICH OF DARCEY’S MAIN TENETS WERE REFLECTED IN THE ACTIONS AND PROCESSES OF THE BOARD.


AND I SAW MANY, MANY CORRELATIONS BETWEEN WHAT WE WERE DOING ON THE BOARD AND THE EXPRESSIONS OF LOVE DARCEY PUT FORTH.

THE PRINCIPLES DARCEY IDENTIFIED ARE:

1. Make our expectations explicit when starting a new project

2. Listen so that everyone feels heard;

3. Direct communication,

4. Speak the truth with love

5. Good boundaries

6. Share the work

7. Ask for what you want and need

8. Staying at the table

9. Use “I” statements

10. No insulting or name-calling

11. Pay attention to process and to feelings

12. Uphold your agreements


I FOUND MANY, MANY DIRECT CONNECTIONS BETWEEN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE OBJECTIVES AND THE WORK OF THE BOARD.

# 11 GOT MORE ATTENTION THAN ANY OTHERS – WITH SO MANY INITIATIVES AND CONSCIOUS EFFORTS TO PAY ATTENTION TO PROCESS AND TO FEELINGS;
WE STARTED A LOT OF NEW THINGS – OPENSPEAK AT BoT; “TALK WITH THE BOARD” MONTHLY; REGULARLY ASKING PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANTED, NEEDED AND THOUGHT

MANY EXAMPLES WERE SEEN OF #2 – LISTEN SO EVERYONE FEELS HEARD; AND #8 STAY AT THE TABLE; AND #7 ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT AND NEED, AND #6 SHARE THE WORK, AND #12, UPHOLD YOUR AGREEMENTS

I TRULY SAW EVIDENCE OF EVERY SINGLE POINT - I’M WISHING I HAD A LOT MORE TIME TO TALK ABOUT IT

BUT I’LL END WITH A SUMMARY OF MY RECOLLECTIONS AND HOW THEY’VE MADE CLEARER TO ME WHAT HAD FADED FOR ME PERSONALLY AND PERHAPS FOR ALL OF YOU WHO WERE HERE AT THAT TIME. AND A NEW AWARENESS FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE NEWER.

WE’VE HAD TOUGH AND PAINFUL TIMES;

WE, THE LEADERSHIP, DID OUR BEST TO “WATCH OVER THE LOVE” WITH RESPECT, SENSITIVITY, DEDICATION AND DILIGENT EFFORTS.

ALL THIS HELPED MOVE US TO A STRONGER AND HEALTHIER PLACE

I SEE US NOW CONTINUE TO GROW IN STRENGTH AND VITALITY, WHICH IS WONDERFUL TO SEE AND EXPERIENCE.

I WAS PROUD OF OUR BoT AND THE WHOLE CONGREGATION THEN

AND AM PROUD STILL OF THIS CONGREGATION AND THE PART I HAD IN WATCHING OVER THE LOVE WHEN I WAS GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO “STEER THE SHIP FOR AWHILE.”

NAMASTE

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